The Adventures of a (Fake) Lay Presbyter
As recounted by Cynthia O’Connell
Welcome to my first ever blog! I will be chronicling my adventures as the new lay presbytery representative for Glebe Road United Church so please join me in the highs and lows as I, along with the Revered Ambury Stuart, travel to Scarberia (Scarborough) for a two hour meeting, every second month, out of my life that I will NEVER get back.
Now you may be wondering, why am I a “fake” representative, do you ponder, “is she some sort of crazy person impersonating real representatives just to go to Presbytery meetings?” No worries! I am sane (I have the papers to prove it.) I owe the unofficial title of “fake lay rep” to a fellow presbyter who, at my first meeting, called me a “fake” lay representative because I have a degree in theology and am working on my doctorate. Of course, I was quite indignant as I feel that I am no less “layey” then the next person. Just because I can supposedly argue the finer parts of theological doctrines doesn’t mean that I’m not a real lay person. However, after further reflection I decided that I like the term, and am defining it as “a lay person who attends Presbytery, who is not theological ignorant and wants to learn more about the structure of the church (and is slightly crazy, no matter what her papers say, to want to do so.) So here I am Glebe, your fake lay rep, feel free to ask me questions about our Presbytery but I’m not sure I can answer them, cause I’m still trying to figure what the Presbytery does other than socialize...
5:32 Arrive home, scarf down some food, and make myself look presentable, (mustn’t scare away the other presbyters, I am already one of those strange and curious creatures, a “young person” in the church.) Check myself and my new $12.99 pants from the Sears outlet in the mirror, I look good! As women everywhere can attest, finding a good pair of dress pants that fit under $20 is nothing less than a miracle. You know, its moments like these I know there is a God, and She wants me to look stylish.
5:55 Walk quickly to catch the streetcar, which passes me by, TTC 562, Cynthia 4. (I figure this is an accurate score, since I moved to Toronto, of how many times I have just missed a streetcar/bus/subway versus the times I have caught one).
6:04 Streetcar arrives, followed by a second car...REALLY#@%$##?!
6:13 Smooth railing (oh the pun!) no interruptions as we pull up to the subway station, except for another streetcar idling in the stop and we have to wait for it to move out of the way.
6:16 Just missed the subway, TTC 563, Cynthia 4. I knew waiting for that other car to move would screw me over.
6:22 Join the huddled masses on the next train. By the way, TTC, if you are reading this that was NOT a four minute wait as it indicated on the monitor :{.
6:36 Arrive at Sheppard station and find the correct exit (anyone who knows Sheppard station will understand what an achievement this is, take that TTC!) I catch a glimpse of my reflection in a building; damn, my $12.99 pants look good!
6:41 Meet Ambury, and head out on to the 401, please let us make it alive, I do not want to die on the 401 on the way to Presbytery.
7:01 Arrive in Scarberia at the Presbytery offices, we made great time. We wonder around until we find the correct door and try stealthily to find a spot to sit. We get the last two seats at a table thanks to the one person I do know at Presbytery, a fellow doctoral student.
7:02 Let the boredom commence! We go through various motions, one, which, I think, pertains to me as a lay rep. Apparently I am eligible to be elected as a delegate for the annual meeting of Toronto Conference... hmmm better follow up on that.
7:13 Worship! For those of you who don’t know, part of the meeting of Presbytery includes integrated worship. Sometimes it is works wells other times it doesn’t, but I enjoy singing regardless. Maria, our music director, would be proud, or maybe she is shuddering somewhere at home, somehow aware of the massacre. I will have to ask her...
7:19 Accountability Reports. Doesn’t that just sound exciting and you want to know more? Are you not thinking to yourself, what are they accounting for? Perhaps an affair, recreational drugs, embezzlement... or maybe what the committees actually do, uh sorry, I mean the commissions. (I’m not sure what the difference is between a commission and a committee.) If you are crossing your fingers chanting, “come on drugs,” sorry to disappoint you but it is option four, sort of.
7:20 First to account is the General Council of the United Church. The General Council is the highest level of the Church in terms of governance, so I am sure that whatever I am about to learn is extremely important. Um... apparently there was a miscommunication and the representative from GC only got ten minutes to speak instead of thirty minutes. So, we learned that the United Church has already sent money to various partners in Japan to help with relief and that you can visit the UCC website, http://www.united-church.ca/, to make a direct donation. (Interestingly 15% of all donations go to a general emergency fund that is used immediately when a crisis occurs, so previously collected money was already sent from this fund to Japan just after the quake occurred.) We were also informed that there are funds in the amount of a million dollars that churches can apply for to support new ministries. Perhaps Glebe can apply for some of that money to expand our ministry; hey, Glebe has to benefit somehow from my attendance.
7:28 Second to account, the Pastoral Relations Committee. What is this committee? According to official handbook for Toronto conference, “the purpose of the Pastoral Relations Team is to provide leadership, support and encouragement to Pastoral Charges and Ministry Personnel within the jurisdiction of Presbytery to forge strong, healthy and faithful pastoral relationships.” Basically this means they make sure our ministers and congregations don’t give into their urges to kill one another.
The Chair of the committee informed Presbytery that the committee is currently discussing various strategies for churches that are not as large as they used to be, (read declining). I learned that in the Presbytery there is only one multi-point charge, which means that there is only one minster who has more than one congregation to minister to. Now being from the Maritimes this shocked me, where ministers rarely have just one church. One of my best friends is currently serving three churches and another friend has four. However, I digress. You know, I realized one of the reasons Glebe is thriving is because we work with other churches by having joint services, and trading ministers in the summer. This helps prevent the afore mentioned urges to kill. From some of the reactions I observed around the room the notion of sharing or the most feared word of all, “amalgamation,” (when two or more churches join to form one congregation) is not very popular.
7:36 Third and final to account is the Education and Students Committee. This committee looks after those people who are in the process of entering into ministry. This is the committee that I covet (yes, yes, I know I am not supposed to “covet,” according to the “ten commandments,” but, in the words of the great Reverend Lovejoy, “oh just about everything is a sin, have you ever sat down and read this thing [Bible]?") I covet because I care. I care that those who enter ministry are fit for it. However, from the description of the committee, which repeatedly used the words support, help and various synonyms, I think that if I do get on the committee I am going to be the “mean one,” as I am more of a “question,” “challenge,” and “are you sure you really want to be a minister?” kind of gal. There are currently thirty individuals in the Presbytery who the committee “supports” in their various stages of ministry.
7:42 Worship!! (I am trying to make this snazzier than it is, with two exclamation marks.)
7:48 Guest speaker Catherine F. MacLean, “Why Bother with Ministry.” This was the highlight of the evening with a challenging presentation by Rev. MacLean, who asked us why do we bother with ministry? While not a minister I think this easily translates into the question, why do we bother going to Church? Perhaps the most poignant question she asked was; do we think that what we believe, that our prayers, can actually change and transform the world and our lives? Rev. Maclean used the Old Testament story of Samson to ask the question, what if we were to follow God, as Samson didn’t?
8:21 Discussion and questions quickly fall into debates about interpretations of the Samson story. Immanuel Kant was cited at one point. Here’s a quick lesson in how to drag a conversation down[i]; cite Immanuel Kant and the “moral imperative.” (I say this as someone who is currently studying ethics and has read Immanuel Kant [and even finds his writings interesting and relevant] but knows when not to introduce him into a conversation, thus I will not explain the moral imperative according to Kant.) 8:33 Table discussion about our passions. Ambury shares his passion for environmental issues and theology as well as ministry with young adults and seekers. I talk briefly about my passion to shorten the bridge between theological matters, church life and the laity, which I hope this blog helps with. At this point in the evening, I am getting a strong sense of people’s passion to go home.
I read this book during my first year of my Master’s degree, called, The Transmission of Affect, by Theresa Brennan. Brennan essentially says that our emotions tangibly affect the moods of others and we can even transmit them to others. You know when you walk into a room, you can feel the mood, and then soon enough you start feeling the same way? That is what happens at Presbytery, the closer we get to 9 o’clock the more I can sense people’s desire to leave; and the more I want to leave.
8:45 Sharing with the larger group. Don’t you love the word “sharing?” It always seems so much more polite to say that I am “sharing my experiences” rather than “telling you what I think.”
8:55 Closing hymn. As you may know, March 17th is St. Patrick’s Day. Besides an attempt to “Irish it up” with a green shamrock PowerPoint background, we sang a hymn that was a modified version of Kingsfold, an Irish/Celtic tune. Speaking as someone of Irish heritage, with a mom born in Dublin on St. Patrick’s Day (happy birthday Mom!) and with an appreciation for Irish music, I can say, with authority, just because you play an Irish tune on a piano DOES NOT make the hymn Irish. You know I blame the cereal Lucky Charms for this, that Leprechaun has ruined Irish culture, with his “green CLOH-vers.[ii]” 8:57 It is over! I have survived my second meeting of Presbytery! I now hold the record for most meetings attended by a Glebe Lay rep in the past 15 years. If I make it through the next meeting, no one will be able to touch me!
Join me in May for my continuing adventures. Find out the answers to such questions as, will Cynthia triumph over the evil TTC, and will she make it on the Education and Students Committee? These questions and more will be answered in the next instalment of....
"The Adventures of a (Fake) Lay Presbyter"
Here’s a graph tracking Cynthia’s level of boredom over time, because graphs are cool!
Cynthia O’Connell is 27 years old and is, to answer her mom’s question, yes, still in school, pursuing a ThD in Theological Ethics at Emmanuel College, University of Toronto. She is a member of Glebe Road United Church and is the new Lay Presbytery Representative for Glebe Road United Church. She welcomes your comments, questions, and hate mail. Please contact her at fakelaypresbyter@gmail.com
[i] I am sure the person who mentioned Kant was well meaning and I bear no hostility towards that person, but my point remains; sometimes Kant is just not helpful! [ii] I may not be a botanist but a clover is not a shamrock. FYI according to legend, St. Patrick used the shamrock and its THREE leaves (not four) to illustrate the doctrine of the Trinity (Father, Son and Holy Spirit, three yet one) to the heathen Irish he was trying to convert. Well we heathen Irish may be known to drink on occasion but we still know the difference between a clover and shamrock even when we are three sheets to the wind! And this concludes my rant on the shamrock/clover debate and my attempt to slip some theological doctrine into this blog, please see previously mentioned degree in theology and slightly nerdy outburst tendencies for reasons why.
